Selling our house at the start of the year has made quite an impact on me. Packing up all our belongings.. the bits and pieces we'd been collecting over the years.. hours at car boots.. wonderful discoveries in charity shops.. all wrapped in bubble wrap and put in boxes. We did let go of a lot of stuff. Not just house stuff but also a lot of clothes that I either had bought and not really worn.. or worn to death. It really felt pretty good and less terrifying than I first thought.. I realised that all our 'stuff' was actually contributing to my anxiety and stress and the more we got rid of, the more the stress started to disappear too.
The other thing that was weighing me down was exactly that.. weight. I've probably touched on this subject once before but working as wedding photographers.. constantly travelling and being fed at weddings every week, it's near impossible to not pile the pounds on. Last year I was at my heaviest and it was really starting to effect my confidence. Meeting people.. being in social situations.. shooting weddings.. I began to hide, mainly behind my camera. Even Pete commented that our time in NZ, there were lots of photos of him but hardly any of me. I just didn't feel nice. I wasn't enjoying me at all.
But over the past few months I've slowly started to see some changes. Don't get me wrong.. it's still a real struggle trying to consistently eat healthy and exercise but I'm doing it when I can and not beating myself up if I can't. I don't think I've actually lost much weight as such but I feel more toned and I'm not too sure how to explain it.. but I feel more womanly?!?! I have got boobs and a bum and I'm never going to be a size 10 and I also enjoy my food.. but I think somewhere over the past few months I've started to just enjoy what I've got. And because of that I've started to see a change in what I'm wanting to wear.. like, a real change. Urrrrmmm hello black.. hello simple.. hello natural… even my taste in homeware is shifting hugely. It feels a little bit like a new me.. like I've grown up a bit. And I think I've let myself enjoy whatever I'm drawn to.. so what if it's not floral.. or if it's not vintage.. it doesn't mean I can't like lots of different things. I'm just really enjoying exploring and finding my style but most of all I'm enjoying who I am.. inside and out.. and that feels really good.
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