Selling our house at the start of the year has made quite an impact on me. Packing up all our belongings.. the bits and pieces we'd been collecting over the years.. hours at car boots.. wonderful discoveries in charity shops.. all wrapped in bubble wrap and put in boxes. We did let go of a lot of stuff. Not just house stuff but also a lot of clothes that I either had bought and not really worn.. or worn to death. It really felt pretty good and less terrifying than I first thought.. I realised that all our 'stuff' was actually contributing to my anxiety and stress and the more we got rid of, the more the stress started to disappear too.
The other thing that was weighing me down was exactly that.. weight. I've probably touched on this subject once before but working as wedding photographers.. constantly travelling and being fed at weddings every week, it's near impossible to not pile the pounds on. Last year I was at my heaviest and it was really starting to effect my confidence. Meeting people.. being in social situations.. shooting weddings.. I began to hide, mainly behind my camera. Even Pete commented that our time in NZ, there were lots of photos of him but hardly any of me. I just didn't feel nice. I wasn't enjoying me at all.
But over the past few months I've slowly started to see some changes. Don't get me wrong.. it's still a real struggle trying to consistently eat healthy and exercise but I'm doing it when I can and not beating myself up if I can't. I don't think I've actually lost much weight as such but I feel more toned and I'm not too sure how to explain it.. but I feel more womanly?!?! I have got boobs and a bum and I'm never going to be a size 10 and I also enjoy my food.. but I think somewhere over the past few months I've started to just enjoy what I've got. And because of that I've started to see a change in what I'm wanting to wear.. like, a real change. Urrrrmmm hello black.. hello simple.. hello natural… even my taste in homeware is shifting hugely. It feels a little bit like a new me.. like I've grown up a bit. And I think I've let myself enjoy whatever I'm drawn to.. so what if it's not floral.. or if it's not vintage.. it doesn't mean I can't like lots of different things. I'm just really enjoying exploring and finding my style but most of all I'm enjoying who I am.. inside and out.. and that feels really good.
All images and links can be found on my Pinterest
A men, Emma! I have felt quite the same over the past year. Moving to Sydney- Bondi specifically- where everyone is tiny and athletic and fit as f*ck! That aint me. I in fact gained weight as a result and that has certainly taken a tole on my self esteem. But I am trying to eat healthier and focus my energy on more important things like this little business of mine. Keep up the good work and keep on inspiring us all as you always do! Xx
ReplyDeleteCan totally relate to this right now. I'm in the process of decluttering and trying to reduce my reliance on 'stuff'. It's really hard because, like you, I spent so much time at car boot sales and charity shops seeking out interesting things. But I know that my mind craves more freedom and all this 'stuff' is just weighing me down.
ReplyDeleteAlways beautiful and so you in everything you do, write, photograph and......simply be! x
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